You may have noticed this, but so far, all of our posts have been written by my mom. I figured that everything I would have to say I already said last year, and I would have to write something really extraordinary for it to make a difference to anyone. However, I've had a lot on my mind lately, and frankly, my mom is tired of documenting this experience all on her own. So here goes...
I recently came across a quote that says "Feelings are much like waves, we can't stop them from coming, but we can choose which one to surf." I've been battling with a lot of emotions lately, some of which came about from witnessing the heartbreak these precious kids face everyday, and some are just downright selfish. I've had to make the choice each day which of these feelings I let control me.
Coming here, I was most looking forward to spending time with my 10 year old friend David, a boy I had developed a close relationship with last year. On our first day here, he immediately ran to me, gave me a hug, and began to play hand games with me. It was like I had never been gone. The next two days, I walked with him to school, and he held my hand the whole way. During the evenings, he would take my arms and wrap them around him. He melts my heart I love him so much. However, my selfish feelings took over and I spent my time with him while neglecting the other kids here. On our fourth day here, he was gone when I woke up. I tried to hide it, but I was heartbroken when he was gone, which was extremely selfish of me. He was in the hospital having a follow up surgery on his arm from where he had broken it earlier in the year, and he was with his aunt and grandmother, the few family members he still has in his life. All I could think of though is what I would possibly do with my time the next three weeks without him. A few days later, his brother Brad went to be with them as well. Rather than being happy for them that they were with family, I was sad for myself.
I was quickly brought back to reality when talking with sweet Grace. She is a 7th grader who recently lost her grandfather, the only family member she believes ever truly loved her. She was making arrangements to go visit her grandmother who she promised to visit more often in honor of her grandfather. That morning, she left on a bus all on her own to go visit her family that doesn't even love her. It doesn't seem fair to me that I was born with patents and grandparents who quite possibly love me more than life itself while she has no one.
Each kid here has their own unique, but equally heartbreaking story, and it kills me inside. I wish it wasn't in my nature to be selfish. I wish I hadn't have wasted my time getting to know these kids. If there's one thing this year has taught me, it's that a week is no time at all. Here's to hoping I make the best of my last week here with these precious lambs, and that I choose the right waves to surf for their sake. They deserve that and much, much more.
-Jaclyn